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Joke of the Day

"Girls must gain like a 4 point bump after you've had a few drinks. Cause I'm in a bar in Greece, and these dames around me look like a 5 right now."

"What do you call somebody who is content being average sized? A happy medium."

"Have you ever smelled moth balls? Yes? How'd you get their little legs apart? (Courtesy of my dad. Who laughed about this for 30 minutes.)"

"Got a message from the anti virus app on my phone telling me Twitter was safe. Clearly, the app isn't reading your tweets or looking at pics"

""" You drink too much milk."", said the doctor Your blood is now milk."

"I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I almost fell in."

"I Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl... not on my watch."

"People drinking wine in nice restaurants at 2:30 pm - Who are you and how do you get the time and money? Teach me."

"Why i'm leaving r/Jokes... I have to go to the store, but I'll be back in an hour..."

"Why should everyone vote for Hillary Clinton? Because Bill said she doesn't suck"