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Joke of the Day

"Got a message from the anti virus app on my phone telling me Twitter was safe. Clearly, the app isn't reading your tweets or looking at pics"

"What's heavier, 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers? Your mother."

"I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition."

"Shovels are incredible They're ground-breaking technology!"

"There are two good reasons never to drink water from the toilet. No 1 and No 2s!"

"Niece: found these handcuffs in your drawer. Me: yea I got arrested once Niece: omg why Me: for going through my aunt's drawers."

"girl at restaurant: ""Are you Tony Hawk?"" me: ""Yes."" her: ""Why?"" I had no idea how to answer."

"So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen Sodium reacted violently."

"Two old guys were chatting in the park. ""You know, my wife and I were happy for 40 years,"" said one guy. ""What happened?"" asked the other guy. ""We met,"" sighed the first."

"What's the problem with North Korea? It has no Seoul!!"