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Joke of the Day

"I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I almost fell in."

"You're Mama's so dumb... She thought the Gay Pride Parade was in honor of Happy Lions."

"Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes."

"As an only child with a pet cat that bullied me, the pool cleaning robot was my closest friend."

"people say they're ""over the moon"" when they're happy, but it's a lie; the moon is one of those things you will never truly get over"

"Relationships nowadays: First month, I love you baby! Second month, we are forever! Third month, Single."

"What's a life without units? Unmeasurable."

"Italian moms vs. Jewish moms At dinner the Italian mom says to their children, ""eat..eat.. or I'll kill you!"" Where as the Jewish mom says, ""eat... eat.. or I'll kill myself!"""

"I crave feet in the sand, a gentle ocean breeze, the sun on my face, and two entirely new presidential candidates."

"A Rabbi, a Catholic Priest and a Salesman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: ""Is this a joke?"""