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Joke of the Day

"How to get a job... Interviewer: ""What's your biggest weakness?"" Interviewee: ""I never learn from my mistakes"" Interviewer: ""Oh, why's that?"" Interviewee: ""I never make any"""

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"Last year for Christmas I got a sweater, this year I am hoping for a screamer or a moaner."
"It's cool to jump out of bed and realize you are already dressed to run to Walmart"
"I wouldn't be so scared of spiders if they were wearing tiny shoes."
"what do you call a communist in a hurry? A soviet rushin! (wackady shmackady doo)"
"My grandfather always said, ""Don't watch your money; watch your health..."" So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. -Jackie Mason"
"*eats whole carrot cake* *waits for eyesight to improve*"
"Ladies, are you having wine? Don't be shy. Let us know about it on all of your social media websites."
"""She queefed violently, immediately fogging the windows of my Volvo wagon. I knew then I belonged to her."" - from my new novel, NIGHT SOIL"
"What is the holdup on square fruit, scientists?"
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