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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather always said, ""Don't watch your money; watch your health..."" So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. -Jackie Mason"

"In my defense, they should have been more specific about which part of the restaurant I was supposed to ""Drive Thru"""

"What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian? A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh."

"Sikh turban dude"

"My wife broke her SatNav and wants $150 for a new one. She can get lost."

"Lucy, In the Sky, With Diamonds John Lennon, proving he was a terrible Clue player"

"Blonde joke of the day Q: What is the difference between a blonde, and a rooster? A: A rooster says cockadooledoooo, a blonde says, anycockwill"

"I was having sex with a hot girl yesterday and she kept yelling someone else's name. Do you know anybody by the name of ""rape""?"

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? Elephant grape sine theta."

"So I heard the Summer Olympics are gonna be in Rio De Janeiro... What's next? The Olympics in Robert De Niro? ""I'm walkin' here!"""