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Joke of the Day

"Last year for Christmas I got a sweater, this year I am hoping for a screamer or a moaner."

"What was the philosopher's favorite toy growing up? Playdough."

"[Hospital] Me:How's my dad? Dr:I'm afraid he's in critical condition *shout from inside room ""You've never lived to up to your potential!"""

"I was waiting for my wife to try on clothes & spoke to this woman for almost 20 minutes until I looked up & noticed her head was missing."

"Do seagulls ever wake up in the morning and take a moment to gather their thoughts, or do they just go straight into seagull stuff?"

"""No pressure, but my happiness is totally dependent on you."" - soulmates"

"I'm a Mexican with a black belt Call me Juan Punch"

"Really struggling on what to get my lady for Christmas this year. I mean, I'd hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarrassing"

"Chris Brown said he's done making music. That's funny. I didn't even know he started."

"I hope none of these haystacks are sharing needles."