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Joke of the Day

"If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors... Then I feel really bad for the boys of the ""Dickinson"" family tree."

"The other day I saw a short man carrying an LED tv and I asked "" hey do you help carrying that tv?"" And he replied all pissed off ""Fuck off dude, this is my tablet"""

"People who ignore your texts are probably just busy looking at pictures of you. Keep trying. It's not weird"

"I heard that Auschwitz had to ask people to stop playing Pokemon Go. Which is weird, because they have the same slogan. Gotta catch 'em all."

"I like my women like I like my wine.... Nine years old and locked in my basement."

"I used to think i was indecisive... but now I'm not so sure"

"I decided to write down all the pieces of classical music I want to play before I die... ...it's my bucket Liszt."

"Why do women forget if you call them beautiful 100 times but remember if you call them ugly once? Elephants have good memory"

"Cyclists who don't obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping recently? The goatherd woke him up."