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Joke of the Day

"Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last year. Jaspar: Why was that? Caspar: She couldn't afford a dog."

"Last night for Halloween, I saw exactly 12 people dressed like Eleven. I know this because after the 9th 11, I swore I'd never forget."

"Jetsons? Hardly. The future turns out to be playing Scrabble from the toilet at work with someone halfway around the world."

"a dog pisses on an ant... and the ant says ""hey watch it!"" and the dog says ""i don't have a watch"""

"[HR office] HR: you know why you're here, right? Me: HR: you can't ""contract"" Down's Syndrome & you can't call in sick with it"

"ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car's shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I'm sexy."

"Superpoer Friend: If you could only own one super power what would it be? Me: USSR"

"Wife: Let's get my mom a special gift; one that will make her lose her mind! Me: How about a guillotine? Wife: Me: I'll be on the couch."

"Wife online? Kids asleep? Time to relax & unwind with a damp cloth and a bottle of multi-surface cleaner. 'Me time'."

"Which is the favorite US State of Miley Cyrus ? Montana."