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Joke of the Day

"Tried to be sly and shove the whole cookie in my mouth without him seeing me. Then he turned around and asked me a question."

"""WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE MY IPHONE"" - new thing I scream at my kids"

"Why shouldn't you trust big cats? They are a bunch of lion cheetah pussies."

"What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber...."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day."

"Never serve bad food at a bris Otherwise the rabbi won't leave a tip"

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says ""why the long face?"" The horse sues him for discrimination and wins $4.3 million and the bar."

"What's it like to have sex with a retard? SLOW and SPECIAL"

"The way I see it, the only thing my daughter's little ""boyfriend"" needs to know about me is I ain't afraid to go back to prison."

"I finally set up a new sky light in my apartment! I don't know why my upstairs neighbors are so furious though."