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Joke of the Day

"""I'm too sexy for my mom."" - Right Said Freud"

"Chrysler is recalling over 24,000 vehicles due to unexpected brake failure that could put many unsatisfied customers out of their misery."

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Whatcha dooooin'? 911: Sir, are you in danger? Me: *giggles* You're always so worried, but I'm fine, silly"

"If you jump off a bridge in Paris... They'll declare you in Seine"

"Why should sailors eat crabapples? For the vitamin sea."

"The Jolly Green Giant is into bondage. I guess you could call him a collared green."

"""More like LOTION pictures!"" - awkward conversation in an adult movie theater before the show starts"

"I didn't see you at the camouflage competition private. ""THANK YOU, SIR"""

"Hello, oh you don't have a ramp I guess, okay well lets talk in the driveway my name is Professor X and I run a school for monster babies"

"The best way to refuse a credit card telemarketer is to tell them you're unemployed. Guarantees them hanging up within seconds."