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Joke of the Day

"Few months ago I was involved in an accident which left half of my entire body paralyzed. I am all right now."

"What did the leper say to the hooker? keep the tip. ;)"

"""WHERE ARE ALL MY PITCHES AT!?!?!?!?"" -upset marketing executive"

"Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do."

"Why do fish always sing off key? Because you can't tune a fish. Say it outloud if you don't get it. I made this one up in first grade IIRC."

"Why did the seismologist not have to pay for the damage caused by the earthquake? It wasn't his fault."

"A dog peed on my bike today. Of course I did not put up with that. I peed all over it immediately."

"What do people hate about CEOs of big internet companies? They act too paowerful"

"Calm down shouty museum man. I think it's pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton."

"What do you call it when Kony drinks too much? Cognac"