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Joke of the Day

"Why do fish always sing off key? Because you can't tune a fish. Say it outloud if you don't get it. I made this one up in first grade IIRC."

"What do we want? A CURE FOR TOURETTES! When do we want it? CUNT!"

"Q: Who writes ghost stories? A: A ghost writer."

"Apparently saying 'exist over there' while pointing is not the best way to greet people in the mornings."

"Do you ever just stop and think about how snowmen standing out in the snow is like humans standing outside while it rains bits of flesh"

"Accidentally shoved a girl I didn't like to the left in the grocery store thinking I was on Tinder."

"My phone died and my buddy said I'm sorry for your loss... Where is the service?"

"MY friends are like second-day socks... They come through in a pinch, but they really stink sometimes."

"What do you call it when two guys open a weed dispensary? A joint venture."

"What do the janitors clean the Reddit office with? Derpentine."