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Joke of the Day

"Look at you, putting your bag of popcorn into a bowl like the Queen of England."

"My girlfriend's been listening to a lot of books on tape lately. She's going to get very good at measuring, wrapping and recording things."

"I'm like a Ferrero Rocher in that I'm quite nutty and go down nicely with wine. I also come in family size."

"What do you call a camel in a car? A camel auto!"

"I don't mind when a waitress says, ""Is Pepsi fine?"" when I ask for some coke. But when my drug dealer says it, it's kind of annoying"

"The three most read words in the world: I? ?L?o?v?e? ?Y?o?u? ...NO! It's: ""Made in China."""

"I always wanted to be just like Flo Rida. That's why I changed my name to ""New Ham Sure"""

"A polish guy goes to the ophthalmologist Doctor: Can you read this? C Z J W I N O S T A W C Z Polish: Read? I know that guy!"

"I'm single by choice. But it's not my choice."

"Today I woke up to a blow job.. ..never falling asleep with my mouth open again."