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Joke of the Day

"Today I woke up to a blow job.. ..never falling asleep with my mouth open again."

"What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic? When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger."

"Why did the integer stop multiplying with other integers of equal value? He was Squared Straight."

"They played The Shins while I was in Whole Foods today and I leveled up in Caucasian."

"Why are there so few casinos in Africa? Too many cheetahs"

"Don't worry, husbands. If something should happen to you, your wife already has the next one lined up."

"There is no way Siri could be a woman, she only speaks when she's spoken to."

"What do you call a women with two brain cells? Pregnant."

"I just got my first grey hair. This is the last time I let grandma cook dinner for me."

"Did you hear about the teacher who never farted in class? It turns out she was a private tooter."