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Joke of the Day
"You look like a before picture."
Next Joke
"Hey girl are you a capri sun? Because i want to stab you."
"I just got an eyelash in my eye and I'm yelling at it cuz it's supposed to prevent this shit from happening like, ""YOU ONLY HAVE ONE JOB."""
"When playing golf my wife got stung by a bee between the first and second hole I told her that her stance was too wide"
"I had a Ford Fiesta.... and fed it some adderall and it turned into a Ford Focus"
"Q: ""How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?"" A: ""We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."""
"Why has there never been an Asian president? Because they are taken to the hospital if the election lasts more than 4 hours"
"Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls."
"My Girlfriend Called Me A Pedophile... I said: ""That's an awfully big word for a 6 year old!"""
"Have you heard of the band 1023 Megabytes? They've never had any gigs."