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Joke of the Day

"Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls."

"Diarrhea is hereditary. Apparently it runs in your jeans."

"If you can't handle my interpretive dance to November Rain than you don't deserve me doing splits on the hood of your car to Whitesnake."

"Me: Hey, do you want to go buy some- Wife: YES!"

"how many hipsters does it take to put in a lightbulb? its a realy obscure number, you've probably never heard of it"

"There's a gang in my neighborhood that recruits members by threatening them with all sorts of horrible punishments and tortures if they don't join .. but enough about the Church .."

"What do you call a person who has sex with a person and a sheep? Basexual"

"My uncle always believed that ""Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything."" I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license."

"I like my coffee like I like my tea Hot with a splash of milk."

"I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them."