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Joke of the Day

"I'm really good at not paying my bills. They all say ""OUTSTANDING!"""

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never paid $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"On behalf of all of my black followers, I'd like to remind you all to fuck the police today."

"How many Trump campaign managers does it take to change a lightbulb? Hopefully not very many because they keep getting fired."

"Joke 1 - What weighs 15,000 pounds and wears glass slippers? Cinderellephant"

"Florida is great, if you make a wrong turn you're at the beach."

"I had to return those books on Middle Eastern agricultural products. They were past the Dubai dates."

"Me: Strengths? I never vomit when I'm nervous. *vomits* HR guy: Umm...you sure about that? Me: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm just super drunk right now"

"If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I'm gonna stab you."

"What did one orphan say to the other? Robin get in the Bat mobile."