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Joke of the Day

"I must admit, my ""Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus"" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car."

"Me: ""I came to Twitter to be creative and express myself."" Twitter: lol, you said ""came""."

"Why did the hoagie go to the shrink? He was having problems with his sub-conscious."

"Beards eventually grow on you. Title"

"A post at night is like a land mine You have to happen upon it to blow on"

"How do you know when a grenade is thrown by a blonde? When you can pull the pin and throw it back"

"My wife wanted me to buy something that goes to 200 in one second flat. So I bought her a bathroom scale."

"Why did the fly eat all of the butter? He wanted to become a butterfly!"

"My friend dropped his phone in the toilet It was a shitty phone anyway True story"

"What's red on the outside and green on the inside? A dinosaur wearing red pajamas."