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Joke of the Day

"""I wish I had more time to read"" he said as Netflix automatically played the next episode."

"Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love? If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that."

"What's red and silver and bumps in to walls? A baby with forks in it's eyes."

"If you give someone some Beethoven CDs for a gift and they don't like it, you can always take them Bach"

"I always wanted to be Batman when I was younger. Not because of the money or the gadgets. I just hated my parents."

"I'm circumcised but I'm looking to change that. Anyone have any tips?"

"Onions are the Russian nesting dolls of the vegetable world."

"Why doesn't a dog ever have a nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

"How do you call a joke that is not funny? Lame."

"Laurie got offended just because I used the word ""puke"" But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."