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Joke of the Day

"Porn Hub has pledged to plant a new tree for every hundred videos viewed on its site. The amount of tissue paper I get through, I'm still not sure that's environmentally sustainable."

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"if you're ever running late just bring a huge glass of milk along and be drinking it noisily as you walk in and no one will say shit to you"
"I really dislike my CW, so everyday I steal a Kleenex from her desk. In about 500 days, she's gonna be pissed."
"A good book is like a good puppy. Easy to pick up but hard to put down."
"where did the lone ranger take his trash to? to the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump."
"I just bought a new computer... When i turned it on, instead of saying ""Welcome"", it said "" Hello"". It's a Dell."
"I love my lungs... ...they have a place very close to my heart."
"I hope Elon Musk never gets in a scandal Because Elongate would be really drawn out."
"I would never have a threesome. If I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents."
"Why don't any pirates live in Kansas? Because they all live in *Ar*kansas."