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Joke of the Day

"[Snow White sees her doctor] Snow White: How bad is it, Doctor? Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot"

"jok Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did."

"Show me a person who doesn't walk on the escalator and I'll show you a person who will transition poorly into the zombie apocalypse."

"A cell phone with a low battery is nothing more than a damn-cell in distress"

"I hate people who talk about me behind my back... They discussed me."

"My friend might be hung tomorrow... The suspense is killing him."

"I'm in a room with Trump, Hillary and a gun and I'm allowed to legally shoot one of them. Whoever lives becomes president. Who do I shoot? Myself."

"A girl grabbed my cock and said, ""Wow! Your dick wouldn't make a very good clock."" ""Why?"" I asked, intrigued. ""Because I'd struggle to get a second hand on it,"" she replied."

"Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay."

"People tell me my humour is offbeat but they get weirded out if you walk around with a metronome."