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Joke of the Day

"""Grab a Pop Tart!"" I tell my kids as I'm mixing up the dogs' breakfasts of organic, grain-free dog food with Greek yogurt and $85 vitamins."

"Why did the blind woman fall down the well? Because she couldn't see that well."

"The ""Beware of Cat"" sign posted outside my house doesn't seem to be having the desired affect."

"You walk into a bar It's a gay bar, faggot"

"How do you access a watersports/golden shower porn site if you don't know the URL? You just use the IP address"

"ME: I think I have a get out of jail free card COP: this is a do 1 jail sentence get the next sentence 50% off & it's for our other location"

"If another day goes by without a Matthew, Mark, Luke and John forming a boyband called New Testament, I'm going to give up on everything."

"I was cumming into a sock... when the guy wearing it was like WTF?!"

"What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? U.C.L.A"

"Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own."