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Joke of the Day

" And I would walk 500 ft. and I would walk 500 more/ Just to be the man who stayed 1000 ft away as ordered by the court "

"Why did the investor invest in exercise equipment? Because it was worth the weight!"

"Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too."

"What do you call a girl with anorexia and a yeast infection? a quarter pounder with cheese."

"I'm very keen I could tell he was bald at the drop of a hat."

"If I ever got the chance to go on ""Jeopardy,"" I'd just buzz in on every question and answer ""what is love?"" until they made me leave."

"It must be pretty inconvenient when you meet someone from a dating site and you're already married to them."

"Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no"

"What is a condom with a hole? Kinder Surprise"

"Where do you buy a baby? Hole Foods."