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Joke of the Day

"The words synonym and antonym are antonyms. Well played, antonym."

"If you love her, let her go out drinking with her friends.. If she calls you drunk, she is yours.. If she turns off her cell, she never was."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and a Twinkie? Twinkies can cause a national upset."

"What did the rapper ask the pet sitter when he got back from vacation? Where my dogs at?"

"Why can't you hear Michelle Pfeiffer use the restroom? Because her pee is silent."

"At my funeral, I'm stipulating in my will that after the eulogy is read the crowd can have 15 minutes for rebuttal, just to be fair."

"Flowers: Because nothing says ""sorry a loved one passed away"" like something else that'll wither and die right in front of you"

"You are so tall in my eyes that they can't rise higher than your waist."

"What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common? They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline"