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Joke of the Day

"Addiction therapist: You've tweeted 36k tweets in a year. Me: Yeah, so? Therapist: What are you paying me for? Me: Material. Therapist: ..."

"Fractals joke there are 2 types of people in this world, those who don't know about fractals and those who think that there are 2 types of people in this world..."

"France and Italy go to war. Who wins? Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides"

"I want attention, but not TOO much attention. Please pay medium attention to me."

"What do you call a hoarse Putin? Rasputin"

"We met for coffee yada yada yada next thing I know we're in the back of my car covered in lobsters and her dog is driving us to the ER"

"Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs."

"Don't play stupid with me.. That's a game you won't win"

"Did you hear about the circumcision Rabbi's wallet? When you rub it for a few minutes, it becomes a suitcase."

"I found a wallet today, and as a practicing Christian, I asked myself ""what would Jesus do?"" So I turned it into wine."