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Joke of the Day
"Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs."
Next Joke
"Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween? Because so many witches are sweeping the sky."
"You texted ""SORRY"" followed by six ""!""s, and seven was the minimum I was looking for so... apology not accepted"
"If I could pick one famous person, living or dead, to spend a day with, I'd pick Kim Kardashian,,and choose dead."
"Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash? - He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado"
"Growing up my mom told me... I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft."
"What does a virgin woman and a shotgun have In common? One cock and they're ready to burst. EDIT: grammar, thanks /u/J7T12"
"I could tell you a joke about sadomasochism, necrophilia and bestiality... But it'd just be beating a dead horse."
"I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts..."
"A termite walks into a bar and asks: ""Is the bar tender here?"""