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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Koresh only burned 85 people."

"How do you blindfold an Asian person? You put floss over his eyes."

"I work in the entertainment industry, so the only way I could lie more is if I worked in politics."

"I've been dieting for 2 weeks now and so far I lost 5 Instagram followers."

"My penis is a gentleman ... It stands up so ladies have a place to sit down."

"Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica"

"Texts: Cool! What does it say? Emails: Oh God... what do they want? Phone call: I basically assume someone has died."

"Bees Did you guys hear about the new, milk-making bees they found in Africa? They're called boo bees."

"At the club, a 6'1"" girl was crying in my lap. I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe. Win-win."

"twitter is obviously Japanese, it wants us to hate whales as much as it does"