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Joke of the Day
"What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home."
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the guy that copied a joke on /r/jokes? He insisted it wasn't a riposte."
"Batman V Superman 2: Both men agree their last battle was too destructive They settle their differences by playing Uno Loser leaves earth"
"Me and my girlfriend are just too different... I exist and she doesn't"
"Having sex with children is fucking tight."
"50% of fatherhood is repeating yourself. Other 50% is untangling your kid from the shirt stuck on their head cause you didn't unbutton it."
"The first rule of parenting is: never negotiate with terrorists."
"Police officer asks driver if he recognizes himself. Police officer asks man if he recognizes himself. Then the driver pulls out mirror and says ''yes it is me''"
"How do you get a one armed polack out of a tree? Wave hello"
"You know what's odd? Every other number."