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Joke of the Day

"Whenever someone makes a premature blanket conclusion based on a single piece of information... I automatically assume they're a complete idiot."

"Mulder: we're trapped with ghosts in the stomach of a metal worm. Scully: those are just people, Mulder. We're on a train."

"When life gives you lemons . . . demand to see life's manager."

"I felt like I was just a statistic, so I went to see a psychologist... She diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder. Now I feel like a distribution."

"Why shouldn't you have sex with Linux users? Open sores."

"I really like non-sequiters But I prefer irony."

"The Counselor was talking to the campers about safety. She said 'Don't climb any trees. If you fall down and break a leg don't come running to me!'"

"Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine doctor. Doctor: Oh really? Mary: Yes she tries to prevent me from making her take it!"

"What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside to ask for a coat hanger."

"Q: What should you do if windows crashes cost you a lot of money? A: You should bill Gates."