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Joke of the Day

"My ex girlfriend was obsessed with my balls... I had to weiner off it."

"A photon arrives at the airport As he checks in, security asks him: ""Do you not have any luggage?"" The photon replies, ""No, I'm travelling light""."

"Accidentally picked out soothing paint colors and now my panic room is ruined."

"Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester... Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds."

"Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win... they lose."

"No control I have no control. There is no escape. I don't even have a home. I think I should get a knew keyboard."

"""It's the holidays"" *eats a pizza* ""It's the holidays"" *eats 3 cheeseburgers* ""It's the holidays"" *eats my food, your food & a small baby*"

"My corn tortillas want me to like them on Facebook. Fuck the future."

"African conservationists call for the ban on hunting hippopotamus to be lifted, citing environmental concerns. To me the whole thing seems so hippocritical."

"I put the D in Fucking because I know that's what you really want. -autocorrect"