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Joke of the Day

"No control I have no control. There is no escape. I don't even have a home. I think I should get a knew keyboard."

"What do you call it when a hobbit lives in the ghetto? Worcestershire"

"""Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria."" ""What's Updog?"" ""[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati"

"Weird how people think I won't summon Satan when they talk to me while chewing."

"When a man sleeps with a lot of women.... ....he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum. -Another gem by Jimmy Carr"

"There are two kinds of people in the world 1. Those that like black licorice. 2. Normal people."

"Tape Recording for Beginners by Cass Ette"

"A fun trick for remembering peoples names is to never interact with anyone."

"My obsession with square roots has got me on cloud three."

"What kind of nuts go on a carrot cake? First time posting to r/baking."