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Joke of the Day

"Blind Masturbation Championships Went to the blind masturbation championships the other day. No idea where I came."

"A sausage and an egg in a frying pan..... The sausage says to the egg: 'fucking hell its hot in here.' The egg says to the sausage: 'fucking hell, a talking sausage.'"

"What's Beethoven's favourite fruit? BA NA NA NA. BA NA NA NA."

"What do you say when your mom walks in on you fapping? C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!"

"What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand? *hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D ... wait what were YOU THINKING?!?!?!"

"How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb."

"Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an ""I"" Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an ""I"". Always put 'am' after an ""I"". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

"Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun."

"shit. the number the girl at the Sprint store gave me is MY number"

"I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty. man Christianity has some weird traditions."