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Joke of the Day

"I don't like telling people I used to be a stalker. It sounds better saying ""I spent a lot of time studying a broad."""

"Why do all these blurry people keep telling me I'm drunk?"

"There CAN be a Beatles reunion!! All we need are 2 bullets."

"My dad walked in while I zoomed in on Street fighter Dad: ""Damn son, that girl has some big 'ol titties!"" Me: ""Dad.......thats E. Honda"""

"INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? SLOTH: *Points to another part of the building* Around there maybe"

"Who called it death by autoerotic asphyxiation and not final fantasy"

"My husband's doing that cute thing again where he thinks he's right. *throws his shit out on the lawn* *makes a bonfire*"

"Tried seducing my wife with a 'lil strip tease. She said it was going well right up until I got naked and spread my butt cheeks in her face."

"Q: How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? A: With a pumpkin patch."

"The Bat-phone rings, it's... Commissioner Gordon. ""Batman, Jokers at it again. He's stolen all of tampons in Gotham. It's a bloody mess..."""