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Joke of the Day

"I saw a car with ""Wash Me"" written on it, so I set it on fire. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow cars to become sentient!"

"It seems kid of arbitrary that people want their skin to be tan and their teeth to be white. In Opposite Land, I must be a fuckin' hottie."

"What's the difference between a Bernie Sanders supporter and a fat stripper? A fat stripper actually gets to the polls."

"[Playing piano to impress a Russian girl] ""Do you like it?"" Her: That's sheet music ""Yes, it is."" Her: Now excuse me, I huv to take a sheet."

"Guys, we really should have seen Steve Irwin's death coming... ... he always let animals into his heart."

"Last night I asked my Asian girlfriend for 69... She made me sweet and sour pork with fried rice."

"What's the difference between a preschool and a brothel? You should know this you sick fuck."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? No potatoes."

"Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course? He got a hole in one."

"Why was the battery arrested ? cuz it was charged with electricity ."