45894

Joke of the Day

"""Haven't had to use my brakes in a few minutes. Better make sure they still work real quick."" -- everyone in front of you on the highway."

"My apartment was starting to smell bad so I bought myself a candle. It just makes scents."

"What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods."

"I need some help with my Halloween costume. I'm dressing up as Ebola and I want to make sure everyone gets it."

"The initials of the Sri Lankan players read like DOS commands. MKDIR, CHKDSK."

"[drake deepthroating a fully cooked sausage] I'm on my wurst behavior"

"""Excuse me waiter, can I have a fork?"" ""Is Pepsi okay?"""

"Me: hey squirrel, dnt steal d pigeon's food, the eggs are about to hatch S: u stole a cake frm ur roomate Me: Me: here, take the eggs too"

"[Ouijja Board] What is the meaning of life? S-T-A-Y-I-N A-L-I-V-E S-T-A-Y-I-N A-L-I-V-E *Squints at board* What the heck? A Bee Gee board?"

"My mom keeps asking questions like 'When you gonna be famous?' I tell her, 'As soon as they find the bodies.'"