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Joke of the Day

"You guys wanna hear a construction joke? I'm working on it."

"A few years ago I dropped LSD with my ex-girlfriend and she wanted to get hot n heavy but I couldn't get it up. Now I get flaccid flashbacks."

"I love puppies and kittens and little cute hamsters But not all together. I don't like my food touching."

"I don't see the point of buying an autobiography when I can just flip to the last page and read the author's biography."

"I read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. At first I hated it, but by the end I loved it."

"(NSFW) What did the haddock get covered in at the fish orgy? SALMONal fluid"

"You haven't mastered the Art of Twitter, until you can subtweet yourself, while everyone else thinks it's about them"

"Read an article that said Google is making us dumber. whatever, I've always used Google and I'm super [googles synonym for smart] able."

"alcoholic alzheimer's anonymous. No one knows who they are, or what they're drinking."

"Hi, I'm your son's teacher, Ms. Frizzle. Funny story, your kid is dead and inside a tortoise"