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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to a trial in Great Sept of Baelor today, AMA. Edit: Wow, this blew up!"

"What do you call a screaming timepiece? An alarmed clock."

"I tried turning my AC off today but couldn't.... Turns out it's hard to stop a Trane."

"""Come with me if you want to live"" - Great movie line, bad thing to say during sex"

"Dot [limerick] There once was a woman named Dot, who lived off of pig-shit and snot. When she ran out of these, she ate the green cheese, that grew on the sides of her twat."

"The ""self-lubricated catheter"" and the ""discreet pocket catheter"" have me rethinking what role catheters ought to be playing in my life."

"If I were really famous, I wouldn't even need body guards. These maxi pads promise me 10 hours of protection, each."

"""I'm so self-conscious"" ""I'm a very private person"" ""I'm the shyest person I know"" *posts 43 selfies a week* - girls on Instagram"

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!"""

"ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet"