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Joke of the Day

"What's a vampire cows worst fear? Steaks."

"People always tell me not to piss in the shower... ...but you know, it's difficult not to when you're taking a shit"

"What do you call A Tale of Two Mosquitoes? A bite-time story."

"When Arwen and Aragorn got married... was Frodo designated to be the Ring bearer? *edit Thanks Kikifoun_Unui... not my main language T_T"

"I brought my camera to a strip club for my photography project I ended up failing because everyone in my photos was over-exposed."

"Your x-ray showed a broken rib, but we fixed it with photoshop."

"Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them..."

"Patron: This bread is stale. Waiter: It wasn't last week."

"For english press ONE. Para espanol el primo numero DOS. If you like totes can't even right now, obvs press THREE."

"One of my peers asked me where I saw myself in 5 years. After struggling to come up with an answer, I decided to go get laser eye surgery. Now I've got 2020 vision...."