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Joke of the Day
"I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time."
Next Joke
"Bill Cosby was actually gonna be in a Marvel movie He was gonna play Sandman."
"Why roboticize vacuuming? It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning."
"Are you a Popsicle stand? ...Because I kind of want to blow you"
"Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like ""always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."""
"Why do midget's laugh when running? Because the grass tickles there balls"
"What is long hard and makes you cry. Your cell mate"
"I've never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face."
"''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' -Jesus flirting in a bar"
"People used to laugh at me when I said ""I want to be a comedian."" Well, nobody's laughing now."