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Joke of the Day

"People used to laugh at me when I said ""I want to be a comedian."" Well, nobody's laughing now."

"What do you say when you catch a deer with no eyes? I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)"

"How do you get down from an Elephant? You don't get down from an elephant, you get down from a duck!"

"7yr old: What's 10+10+10+25+25+5+1+1? Me: Math"

"I use profanity freely because it doesn't seem right to charge you (ya cunt!)"

"I will be tweeting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me."

"My perennial favourites always seem to come back year after year."

"What do you call an epileptic leper taking a bath? Porridge."

"If you were to look at my search history you might think I was a history buff... ... but in reality I just enjoy masturbating to pictures of Holocaust victims."

"What do Iron man and Sarah Palin have in common? They both had a little Downey inside of them."