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Joke of the Day

"Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. ""Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."""

"If you are thinking of having an affair, just remember the head of the CIA couldn't even get away"

"How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? 30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins."

"9 just turned the toaster all the way up and basically made charcoal for breakfast, so I'm ordering new furniture with his college fund."

"What's the dirtiest thing ever said at a gay bar? ""Excuse me sir, do you mind if I push in your stool?"""

"What do you call it when a guy fucks a girl and never calls her again? A hit and run"

"I just downloaded more RAM... ...but I still can't play No Man's Sky."

"A friend of ours is practicing baking apple pies. She brings them over to our house and later asks us how we liked it. I tell her ""You need more practice."""

"I installed anti-virus on my PC Now the damned thing has autism."

"I just ran into my high school bully and it was great cause I'm doing well and he's 17 which is very old for a dog"