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Joke of the Day

"BRAIN: you need to let loose a little, have some fun ME: rainbow colored goldfish crackers it is"

"When friends or family ask me if I'm going to have another baby, I just gesture at the chaos of my life and yell, ""ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"""

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants... The bartender looks over and says, ""Get the fuck out of my bar, we're sick of hearing this goddamn joke."""

"My girl friend said to me ""sex is better on daytime""... That wasn't a very nice Idea..."

"If Memes Were Horses 4chan would give birth to it. Reddit would kill it. 9Gag would hump its dead body. Facebook would dig up its corpse and attempt to turn its remains into Frankenstein."

"I realize I put this off but how much weight can I lose in 2 hours?"

"I peeled off the sticker that said ""Don't consume alcohol while on medication."" I don't need that kind of negativity in my life."

"A man was at a HIV volunteer center... ...to give a motivational talk to the patients He told them they need to stay positive. Not surprise he got kicked out shortly after"

"When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying"

"I'm giving up spray deodorants for the new year Roll on 2017"