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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jam and peanut butter? I can't peanut butter my dick down your mom's throat."

"Apathy, lethargy, stationary. Words to live by."

"What kind of photograph does Arnold Schwarzenegger take? Polaroids."

"You know why was i mad after a half hour in the bathroom? i couldn't do shit."

"shipwreck diary day 425: saw a ship and crew waved but didn't want to look dumb and wave back if they were waving to someone behind me"

"They say the human imagination is infinite. Try to imagine a new color."

"I dress up as a Girl Scout for my boyfriend, but just so we can practice our elaborate cookie heist."

"My girlfriend accused me of being big-headed and thinking I was better than I was. I nearly fell off my throne."

"What's the point of going to somebodys funeral? It's not like they are coming to yours."

"Seenus trouble Dad: Son, I have seenus trouble. Me: Seenus? Dont you mean sinus trouble, pops? Dad: No, son. Seenus, I was out with my girlfriend and your mom seenus."