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Joke of the Day

"My boss said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I've got a hunch it might be me."

"Just installed the iOS 9 update and I've already noticed a significant increase in my phone's battery life! This is aweso"

"Heading down to the Autopsy Club later. It's open Mike night."

"My friend, Power, is always tired That's because his boss makes him work overtime."

"My ex-wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better"

"When I see one of those student driver cars, I always honk a lot and yell, ""You're doing great!"" I think they appreciate the encouragement."

"The guy who spelled 'Wednesday' like that sure pulled off some shit."

"My least favorite thing about babies is how they don't understand it's the weekend."

"I saw two blind people on campus today One of them walks by the same spot every day at 1:20. I've never seen the other one before. I don't think she's seen me either... or ever will."

"It's funny how my doorbell starts working when I'm expecting a pizza delivery."