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Joke of the Day

"I wonder what gets changed less frequently...the diaper of a crackhead's baby or the filter cartridge in my Brita."

"A gay couple and a lesbian couple Both need to leave quickly. Who gets out first? The gay couple. Their shit's already packed."

"If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing."

"*camera pans to a pair of sneakers hanging over a power line* *Sean Connery takes a long drag of his cigarette* ""It was a... shoeishide"""

"Cake day: How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Response: I don't know, I'm no scientist."

"Life's like a box of chocolates It doesn't last very long for fat people."

"I'm writing a book called 'Stop Overreacting.' But maybe I'm overreacting."

"What was John Lennon's favorite fruit & place to eat it? A wee olive in a yellow submarine."

"Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math."

"What is a drug? A drug is a substance which when injected into a guinea pig produces a scientific paper."