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Joke of the Day

"A gay couple and a lesbian couple Both need to leave quickly. Who gets out first? The gay couple. Their shit's already packed."

"Cons of being on The Walking Dead: Almost everyone you know is dead & the world is a desolate zombie wasteland Pros: No more Adobe updates!"

"I just drank coffee I forgot on the counter this morning. It was so cold and bitter I wrote it an alimony check."

"Top colleges are now offering a bachelors for mens hairdressing... ...but they call it ""manscape architecture"""

"I don't want to do cocaine. I just want to know what it smells like."

"My credit card is like a stripper. There isn't much on it."

"You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog."

"I got arrested while jamming on my guitar.. Apparently, I was fingering A Minor."

"Overheard: ""Hey, I think that weirdo is listening to our conversation."""

"What does the Pope and a Christmas tree have in common? The balls are for decoration only"