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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!"

"Rhetorical questions confuse me If someone asks you something, you're supposed to answer them, right?"

"Ibuprofen is my favorite headache medicine that also sounds like a reggae professor."

"If you need an ark built... I Noah guy"

"I want you to fu.. this rusty pipe . FTW ??"

"My New Years resolution. Always HD 1080p I don't know why everyone keeps asking."

"i like my women like i like my coffee silent"

"i'm a functioning alcoholic which means i like alcohol roughly as much as i like functioning."

"I was going to sign this permission slip to let my daughter watch The Grinch at school but I haven't heard back from North Korea yet."

"Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. it's only fair since you're getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also.."