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Joke of the Day

"I can get most of Reddit to hate me in one sentence I'm watching Sword Art Online (my favorite anime) on my iPhone while reading a Minions fanfic on my Wii U and eating bananas dipped in ketchup"

"What did the dick say to the condom? Cover me I'm going in."

"I wish I could remember how the hell I ignored people before I owned a cell phone."

"Parents, stop giving your kids these crazy names. I just found a love letter my son wrote to a girl named ""Steven!"""

"I booked a taxi today When it arrives I threw up a Nazi salute. I bet no one's thought of heiling a cab before"

"I was fired my first day on the job as a food vendor at the ballpark. A man ordered a corn dog from me. He was not pleased when I returned from the pet store 20 minutes later with his new husky."

"What's a closeted Isis fighter's favourite occasion during the year? ram a man"

"What do you call the science of knives? Cutting edge technology."

"Why don't pedophiles ever win marathons? They're always coming in a little behind."

"Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire? That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition"