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Joke of the Day

"Dad: Why do you smell like weed? Me: How do you know what weed smells like?! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy :("

"Love every corner They said you will find love in every corner. I must say my life is in a circle"

"It's only Wednesday and I'm already 94% done with this week."

"The Wife just accused me of loving Twitter more than her. I said, ""but honey! I love you much more than Facebook or LinkedIn!"""

"What do you call a scary unexpected post in reddit? A Dreddit!"

"A cook's apprentice is throwing copious amounts of herbs into the dish When the cook walks in and says ""STOP WASTING MY THYME"""

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Ones fun to smash with a sledge hammer the others just a fucking watermelon."

"I started calling my wife ""Zika""... ...so that I could just get a little head, baby."

"Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand? Because she uses the other one to sing."

"He told me I was too pretty not to smile. So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose. Now I'm smiling."