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Joke of the Day

"Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand? Because she uses the other one to sing."

"I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"Coworker: What's your phone number? *looks up from phone* Me: I don't have a phone. *looks down at phone* Coworker...."

"Did you hear about that group of midgets suing the local bar? Yeah, they were upset with how short the stools were. The judge threw out the case, though; told them they were grasping at straws."

"There was no Mrs. Noah & the ark was lonely, thus explaining the evolutionary mishaps you'll find at Walmart."

"Republicans believe every day is the 4th of July... Democrats believe every day is April 15."

"When clowns first attacked these shores nobody took it seriously. It's just one boat, how many could there be, they said."

"I only watch Storage Wars to see if they find my ex's body. Just kidding. I like the show. And she's buried in the woods."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by some chick."

"Well, at least I have a step ladder... I never knew my real ladder, but I heard he supported 3 people."